“Now when we go in there you be quiet, okay? Just let me do the talkin’ ’cause if they hear your Newfie accent, they might think we’re ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I’ll talk like I’m from Ontario so’s they don’t know.”

They go in and Garge says with his best fake Ontarian accent, “I’ll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I’ll back up my pickup and ….”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “You’re both from Newfoundland, aren’t you?”

“Well…yeah,” says a surprised Garge, “How come you know that?!”

The owner replied, “Cause this here’s a dry-cleaners.”

“Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”

“Without numbers?” the Irishman says, “Dat is easy.” and proceeds to draw three trees.

“What’s this?” the boss asks.

“Haven’t you got a brain? Tree and tree and tree makes nine,” says the newf.

“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Apply the same rules using the number 99, this time.”

The Newf stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Dere you go.”

The boss scratches his head and asks, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”

“Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat equals 99.”

The boss starts getting worried that he’s actually going to have to give the Newfie the job, so he says, “All right, final question: same rules again, but represent the number 100.”

The Newfie stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Dere you go. One hundred.”

The boss looks at the illustration and bursts out: “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”

Whereby the Newfie leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, saying: “A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you’ve got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat makes one hundred. … So, when do I be starting me job me son?

Mainlander: “I’m here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed one of your land rodents.”

Newfie looks down and sees the dead rabbit.

Newfie: “No problem, b’y. Hang’er down a few.”

Newfie goes to his truck and returns with an aerosol spray can. He empties the spray over the rabbit. He then chucks the empty can into the ditch and sez “There ya go, me son. Enjoy yer stay.” He gets in his truck and is gone.

The rabbit gets up, hops 10 feet towards the woods, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet and he’s gone into the woods.

The Mainlander was astounded!! Wondering what the Newfie did, he got the can out of the ditch and read the label, which said: “Hair spray. Gauranteed to bring dead hair back to life with a permanent wave”

Canadians: “Please divert your course by 15 degrees south to avoid a collision”.

Americans: “Recommend that you divert your course by 15 degrees north to avoid a collision”

Canadians: “Negative. You have to divert your course by 15 degrees south to avoid a collision”

Americans: “This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course”.

Canadains: “No. I say again divert YOUR course”.

Americans: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE BY 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP”.

Canadains: “This is a lighthouse. Your Call”