Beaverfish89 posed these questions. In a little jest I’ve decided to answer these questions. You can read a Newfoundlanders perspective below.
Question: Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Easy. Tarzan was a tranny. How the hell else did it slide down vines without a little testicle vine burn.
Note: I Can’t believe I just searched Google for “testicular carpet burn”
Question: Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Just because it’s not working doesn’t mean the batteries are dead. The Squeeze the shit out of method has worked for me a quadzillion times in my life. Got to drain every little bit out of that bugger not to mention the push pad inside wears down over time and requires a little strength.
You might want to go a little easy on the squeezing if your remote starts to look like THIS.
Question: Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: To cover the costs of having your delinquent ass as a customer
Question: Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Due to headlice issues it was cheaper to just let them burn in the fiery hell their owners created. Japanese war planners later strapped bombs to the backs of the lice and used Tree oil to turn them into kamikaze lice.
Question: Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Sound to me like your friends have trust issues, maybe you should send them here to my friend KC Kelly, Ph.D., LMHC
Question: Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Possibly the person who coined the term. That would be my educated guess or maybe this chick.
Question: What is the speed of darkness?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Considering that Light Engulfs Darkness at a rate of 186,282.397 miles per second. My logical brain says it travels at -186,282.397 miles per second.
Question: Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Who said it had to be human? My cats used to sleep 20 hrs a day when they were kittens, a ferret sleeps 20 hours a day. I wish I slept like one of those babies.
Question: If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Twice as cold
Question: Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Well that all depends. Some live longer some live shorter on both sides of the fence. I don’t think any amount of research could prove a solid link. I know you live poorer if you get married. Especially once the ex wife gives you one of these stories to tell.
Question: How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Ok your just being silly here. We’ve been using wheeled forms of luggage for a long time.
Question: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Not So we can spit on people like you still on the ground. LOL
Question: Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Probaly the first person to die from listeria.
Question: Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.”
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Could be the same person who ate the chicken. Wonder what he ate first the chicken or the egg.
Question: Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Maybe because bread isn’t the only item you can toast in a toaster.
Question: Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Possibly the same reason you don’t get a light on over your head when you get an idea for a question. It’s burned out.
Question: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: We humans have this silly thing called manners. Might be your missing link.
Question: Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Because he’s a doctor and not some old slob in perverts alley trying to gawk at something like this.
Question: Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Why not? This pooch can do it
Question: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Are a pain the ass something like this
Question: If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Again with assuming its human, it’s made from baby emo emu’s when they cut themselves ![]()
Question: If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Does Photos come from photons? No? So what’s the point of this stupid question then?
Question: Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Someone’s tone death.
Question: Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Do blind people get the full effect of a light show? LOL. These questions just keep getting stupider. So stupid I can’t even make fun of them anymore.
Question: Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Cause your smelly ass is stinking up the car and your breath stinks.
Question: Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Possibly it can, especially if you thought the person ahead of you pushed it but didn’t. Oh the horror of these questions, my stomach turns as I answer them.
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Cybrspin






















