Beaverfish89 posed these questions. In a little jest I’ve decided to answer these questions. You can read a Newfoundlanders perspective below.

Question: Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Easy. Tarzan was a tranny. How the hell else did it slide down vines without a little testicle vine burn.
Note: I Can’t believe I just searched Google for “testicular carpet burn”

Question: Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Just because it’s not working doesn’t mean the batteries are dead. The Squeeze the shit out of method has worked for me a quadzillion times in my life. Got to drain every little bit out of that bugger not to mention the push pad inside wears down over time and requires a little strength.
You might want to go a little easy on the squeezing if your remote starts to look like THIS.

Question: Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: To cover the costs of having your delinquent ass as a customer

Question: Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Due to headlice issues it was cheaper to just let them burn in the fiery hell their owners created. Japanese war planners later strapped bombs to the backs of the lice and used Tree oil to turn them into kamikaze lice.

Question: Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Sound to me like your friends have trust issues, maybe you should send them here to my friend KC Kelly, Ph.D., LMHC

Question: Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Possibly the person who coined the term. That would be my educated guess or maybe this chick.

Question: What is the speed of darkness?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Considering that Light Engulfs Darkness at a rate of 186,282.397 miles per second. My logical brain says it travels at -186,282.397 miles per second.

Question: Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Who said it had to be human? My cats used to sleep 20 hrs a day when they were kittens, a ferret sleeps 20 hours a day. I wish I slept like one of those babies.

Question: If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Twice as cold

Question: Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Well that all depends. Some live longer some live shorter on both sides of the fence. I don’t think any amount of research could prove a solid link. I know you live poorer if you get married. Especially once the ex wife gives you one of these stories to tell.

Question: How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Ok your just being silly here. We’ve been using wheeled forms of luggage for a long time.

Question: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Not So we can spit on people like you still on the ground. LOL

Question: Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Probaly the first person to die from listeria.

Question: Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.”
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Could be the same person who ate the chicken. Wonder what he ate first the chicken or the egg.

Question: Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Maybe because bread isn’t the only item you can toast in a toaster.

Question: Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Possibly the same reason you don’t get a light on over your head when you get an idea for a question. It’s burned out.

Question: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: We humans have this silly thing called manners. Might be your missing link.

Question: Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Because he’s a doctor and not some old slob in perverts alley trying to gawk at something like this.

Question: Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Why not? This pooch can do it

Question: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Are a pain the ass something like this

Question: If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Again with assuming its human, it’s made from baby emo emu’s when they cut themselves
Question: If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Does Photos come from photons? No? So what’s the point of this stupid question then?

Question: Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Someone’s tone death.
Question: Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Do blind people get the full effect of a light show? LOL. These questions just keep getting stupider. So stupid I can’t even make fun of them anymore.

Question: Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Cause your smelly ass is stinking up the car and your breath stinks.

Question: Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Cybrspin’s Smartass Newfie Answer: Possibly it can, especially if you thought the person ahead of you pushed it but didn’t. Oh the horror of these questions, my stomach turns as I answer them.

Shadow and Bear would like to blow you a Happy Mothers Day Kiss
We wub woo and miss woo our favorite grandmew.
Shadow says. “I even wore pink to the photo shot for you grandma. I needs some cuddling like only a grandmother can give.
Bear as usual is playing the joker and saying, “Come on granny gibs me a big old sloppy kiss, You know you lubs it.”

OK OK Grandma, If you come down to visit me and spend some time with me i promise to let you dress me up in anything you like. Happy Mothers Day. Love your prettiest grand kitty Shadow.
If I wasn’t so sweet and petite I’d give you some Great Grand Kitties.

Grandma this is the blue tunnel cat toy you bought us for Christmas.
We both love it allot but i don’t give shadow much time to play in it cause I really really likes it allot.
I can sleep, play and do some of my most serious thinking in it for hours on end.
Thanks you for your wonderful gift and please get shadow her own!
Happy Mothers Day, please visit me soon!

Grandma please come and save me from the boys. I need some female attention. I’m not a mommy but I deserve some love on Mothers Day to!
Happy Mothers Day Nanny,
Shadow.

Hello Nanny,
Mothers Day is coming fast nanny.
If you can’t come see me I got a Airmail label already filled out and ready to go.
I just gotta ask daddy to stick it on and ship me off.
Miss you and Luvs you,
Bear.

Well Grandmother that’s enough from us for Mothers Day, so we will let a few others say hi to you now.
See how crowded it is in our tunnel *hint* *hint*.
Nanny’s give the greatest gifts

This picture is our Grandma’s mothers cat Tom. It’s a very old picture, but we thought she would like to see it.
He was a cool guy he loved everyone and enjoyed being picked at.
He was a fighter to a true Tom Cat, any kitty or puppy made fun of his clothes got straightened out.

Happy Mothers Day Mommie,
From your favorite puppy, Manni.
You know I love you mostest of all mama

Stewie thought he would wish you a Happy Mothers Day to but he was really tired and fell asleep in the process. Hes only tiny he needs his sleep.

And of course, You very favorite grandson in the whole wide world when he was just a young duck lips. Hes all grown up now but he still loves his Grand Mother very much. Do you remember when he was this small?
Seems like only yesterday.
Happy Mothers Day.

Did you think your son who was held at mouse point to write this out for the kittys and puppy wasn’t going to wish you Happy Mothers Day too.
I remember the day in this picture just like it was yesterday.
I was so happy my mom was letting me go fishing with my uncle.
It turned out to be one of my life long best fishing memories.
Thanks Mom, you always knew best.
Love your Son and Happy Mothers Day.

Now for the lady of the hour GRANDMA. Seen here cuddling her grand kitty son Bear in his moo moo cow suit. Bear loves his grandma sooo much. He looks forward to her every visit. No one knows how to cuddle him like grandma. No one knows all the right spots to run like Grandma.

FOR ALL OTHER MOTHERS OUT THERE
A VERY BIG
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
TO YOU ALL

Bear here,

We been whipping our human Cybrspin hard, hes labeling, putting titles and descriptions into old posts and deleting posts we don’t like for hours on end.

So don’t fret that there is no mew Stewie pictures posted yet, His meowmie brings him over every day and we still don’t like him much but we let him hang out. He has no friends little brat. Plus he has flavor, he taste wonderfulz, all fresh, could use some salt though.

Heres a pic of him trying to get on my good sides. Little does he know i have plans to taste him soon